Sunday, July 20, 2008

Guidelines to find a partner

I was reading Jack Welch's book Winning, Welch is ex-CEO with General Electric and has 40 plus years of experience in managing people. I have always thought management principles could be applied to real life as well. So from his chapter on 'Hiring the right people', I conceived and adapted my own guidelines to 'Finding the right girl':

Test for Integrity

People with integrity tell the truth. They keep their word. They take responsibility for past actions, admit mistakes and give their best to fix them. Now there is no fool-proof way of testing integrity and hence your gut instinct is very important. More on instinct later.

Look for Intelligence

Intelligence need not mean her educational qualifications. She should be able to hold your attention with her words, with an uncanny ability to surprise you and force you to alter your previous judgments about her. Education is just part of the pie, not the whole.

Does she show Maturity?

As Welch says, "Mature people have a good sense of humor, especially about themselves"

Is she Authentic?

She knows what she is good at and who she is not. The 'realness' shows in the way she communicates. There is no phoniness, no trying to be cooler, prettier, sexier, or in more control than she actually is.

Does she value Candor?

If she does not like something you did, she should be able to give it straight between your eyes. No holding back. No bullshit like long periods of not talking to you when you don't even know what went wrong. At the same time, if she likes something appreciation should be ready and unreserved. While Welch advocates monetary perks, I suggest something more 'physical' in nature.

Is she an epitome of Resilience?

If she has faced some extreme hardships in the past, she will be more appreciative of your love and affection - instead of always seeking more. Generally, people who have had more than their share of suffering and can still retain a smile on their face are great to hang out with.

Of course each of us will have our own unique parameters based on which we make the decision. The above points are aids to decision making, not intended as quantifiable values that the girl must have.  They can be equally applicable to guys. 

The different values mentioned need to be looked for at different stages of your initial salvos. While Authenticity and Maturity can be very visible to the keen eye at the very beginning, one might get to know about Resilience and Integrity only later.

When in front of an attentive attractive woman, reason might fail you. But your instinct will not. Instinct is nothing but pattern recognition developed through experience. If you don't act on it, all your past experience is worthless. If your gut tells you she's comfortably lying, or faking, or hiding, get out immediately. Stop waiting for more data or proof.

So even though I have given some general pointers, Instinct is paramount. Nourish it and use it.


  1. snap judgement rules! (a hint of 'Blink'(Malcom Gladwell) here)...Welch guidelines very artfully applied to a more 'practical' domain...

  2. dude get rid of rules and guidelines instict alone wud rule and stop judging urself esp. wen in a rel.

  3. dude i don knw wats wrong wid u but ur turning into a emotional wreck if it continues like this arnab wud have 2 move back in wid u

  4. @kanishk
    'dude' i am quite far from being an emotional wreck.. in fact i have been having an amazing time here.. FYI i gave a presentation on 'finding the rt partner' and it was an immense success :)

  5. after all the mentioned guidelines..
    people still say..

    .. ur a nice gal. i enjoyed ur company. i loved bein wid u. i jus love all de moments spents wid u. but,
    "I dint feel complete wid u. jus that feelin of completeness never came.."

  6. i was getting bored in office and what do i find .. :D

    amazing dude .. as interesting as your 300 odd diary entries :D