Shaken and Stirred

 Dear heart, Why do you have to be so tempestuous? At one instance, jumping with pleasure at the sight of a text, and then plunging to the depths of the dark oceanic abyss when you realize its not from who you wanted it to be. Why do you make up highly detailed IMAX 3-D like dreams based on a few sweet words uttered, a stolen glance or two or a half-smile? And then again create horror movies with sudden jump-scares at the slightest rejection, cold look or request for need of "space"? These palpitations of yours make me oscillate between extremes. I cannot focus or concentrate on anything except how you are feeling and why. I am only a mere adventurer on a raft - going where the waves of your emotions take me. On the crests, I feel like I am on top of the world. But the troughs soon follow where the world seems bottomless. The painless are the steady days - with mild sinus rhythms as the waves gently lap around me. But you come back with a riposte - who wants to live steady? W...

Ever since I learnt how to drive, I have felt how each drive is a microcosm of life itself or at least a slice of it. In this series of short stories, I shall purport to portray the parallels that I perceived. Shift into first and gently release the clutch The first part correlates the stop-starts and hiccups in the early part of a relationship to the first time you drive and eventual smooth release of the clutch. “Damn it, I am already late!” thought Akhil looking at his watch. That wasn’t new. He was habitually, and only occasionally fashionably tardy. He was driving his flat-mate Vikram’s Honda City, navigating it through Bengaluru’s traffic. He had an arrangement where he could borrow it at a reasonable rate of Rs.8 per km. This came in handy for getting groceries, or occasionally to go to the office. However, today it was essential. Akhil was going on his first date in a long while.  “God, why did I have to wear this dress?” thought Aarti getting into the car. She had gotten s...

I read this blog post on the turmoil of the twenties. In an eloquent piece, the blogger captures the pangs that one goes through on the threshold of 'true adulthood'. The following is my (unsolicited) response: As a guy on the verge of turning 29, I have gone through the phase you are speaking of. There is no guarantee that I won't go through it again, but it is worthwhile to pen down your thoughts when they seem crystal clear after having gone through a time of muddy swirling nothingness. 1. Disable your facebook account. Humans have survived for hundreds of thousands of years without it. I am sure you can survive the next 20. Alternative is to unsubscribe the 'friends' you speak of. You barely keep in touch with them anyway, just spend precious moments you should be spending thinking of you in thinking and probably cursing them. 2. Decide if you are all about money. You know that already I presume, else there would be no blog entry. 3. Do something. G...

I tried the hair saloon once. What I mean by that is that I went to the expensive, air-conditioned Britney-Spears-playing stylists as opposed to my regular round-the-corner barber. This was after I came back from France and my long, flowing European tresses were getting stripped away by the minute in the heat and dust of India. As it had been more than eight months since my previous haircut, I was willing to experiment. Besides, there was the little matter of the 50% off coupons in my possession. I was turned away at first when I reached there since I had not taken an appointment beforehand! Not one to get the hint fate was giving me in the form of the rejection, I scheduled my coiffure at a convenient hour. At the anointed hour, the first thing I noticed in the saloon was that I was the only male customer there. Of course, there was no dearth of spiky-haired, booted-up, covered in body art, men in black stylists that were present. Once in the hot seat, I got the sales pitch about...

My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems... I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation - Sherlock Holmes Though, of late, I have been feeling that my mind rather revels in stagnation. After all, this post is a result of such an endeavour. I let you decide. Here is something for the exalted minds. I seem to have a special talent in dishing out advice to people. They seek me from far and wide to gain my valuable insights into their eccentric little problems. And, in spite of having little knowledge on the matter, I always seem to be able to give reasonable and sound Plans of Action all the same. Ashish was spending his summer vacations in the honourable regimen of updating his Facebook status message and wondering which Barcelona shirt he wants his brother to get for him from Europe. When tired of that, he would watch some mind numbing Bollywood movies to help forget the oppressive heat. While watching one of the said movies, he got a brainwave. (Qui...

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field. - Niels Bohr I consider myself an expert in matters of the heart. I have given loads of people advice in all kinds of different situations. It’s another matter that most of them never actually used my advice, so there is no way of knowing how effective it is. But, I have surely made all the mistakes that can be made (and some more) in this not-so-narrow field. I will not bore you with the common amateur mistakes. Here is an example of me going overboard with the ‘being different’ mantra. I bet you never thought of this way to court a girl’s attentions. A few Valentine’s days back, I sent a mail to a friend I had a crush on and wanted to impress after an evening walk with her. Hi, As we were talking the other evening, you mentioned how guys are essentially the ‘same’; in the sense that ALL of them view girls as sex objects. When I heard it, I had trouble accepting it. So, I decided ...

Glenn had his birthday coming up. I called up everyone to seek ideas for an appropriate gift. In vain. "He has everything!" was one exasperated opinion. Some thought out of the box and came up with really practical gifts like skate-boards. I gave up and went straight to the mall with Arjun , hoping to spot something. At the mall, we hacked around for the 'right' gift. Although books were ruled out initially, we gravitated to the book store as a last resort. After sifting through countless books, we were still clueless. I had quite a reputation to maintain in office. After buying many 'right' gifts, I could not afford to lose the plot now. While selecting a gift, there are three things I look for: - Would s/he like it? - Would it be a talking point? - Would it cost within 800 bucks (our usual budget)? So I sat down and went back to the basics. What would Glenn like? What would all men like? Well, that wasn't a possible gift. So, what else? While I was thi...

All of you must be familiar Google's AdSense - an advertisement application. The Wikipedia article says: AdSense has become a popular method of placing advertising on a website because the advertisements are less intrusive* than most banners. I beg to differ. In a recent correspondence I had with a friend over Gmail, I was shocked to notice that the first sponsored link on the right was Dumped? Instant relief to break-up pain and fastest plan to get your ex back GetYourExBackNow.com Now, I think, I must confess that the 'friend' was a one-time (and a long-time) crush of mine. Nothing more, unfortunately. But how the hell did Google know that ? Nothing in the mail itself suggests anything on those lines. Unless the mere presence of words like - 'arrogance, incompetence.... dick.... bitch' - imply a broken-up relationship. Even though the mail was not exaclty from an ex of mine, but i wonder what kind of key words sparks the AdWords program to show a link to GetY...

I was reading Jack Welch's book Winning , Welch is ex-CEO with General Electric and has 40 plus years of experience in managing people. I have always thought management principles could be applied to real life as well. So from his chapter on 'Hiring the right people' , I conceived and adapted my own guidelines to 'Finding the right girl': Test for Integrity People with integrity tell the truth. They keep their word. They take responsibility for past actions, admit mistakes and give their best to fix them. Now there is no fool-proof way of testing integrity and hence your gut instinct is very important. More on instinct later. Look for  Intelligence Intelligence need not mean her educational qualifications. She should be able to hold your attention with her words, with an uncanny ability to surprise you and force you to alter your previous judgments about her. Education is just part of the pie, not the whole. Does she show  Maturity? As Welch says, "Mature peop...

3rd May 2008 Saturday 2130 hrs I am running a temperature of 101F degrees. My brother says he's got a 100.5 himself. Of course he's lying. There is no way he could still be that active. Though come to think of it, I had fever on and off throughout the day and I hardly took any rest. Fever always has this weird way of giving an illusion of recovery before it returns with redoubled vigour. Its been a while since I had such a 'high' fever. Whenever I felt feverish, nothing I did would convince the thermometer to go beyond a 100. So today I looked at it with dull self-congratulation as the mercury rose to a 100.9. I'm calling it a 101, I don't care. I always aimed high as a kid. When my mother would put the stick in my mouth I would pray that the temperature be above 105. At least. All the other kids had had malaria and hay fever. Compared to them, my health chart seemed to be bereft of any excitement. Clearly, I was fiercely competitive as well. Now with time, and ...

Since I am a native of Andhra Pradesh, I know a bit of Telugu. Having stayed in Delhi all my life, I come across people from all kinds of cultural backgrounds: Punjabi, Gujarati, Bengali, Oriya, Tamil, Malayali, etc. When I was in primary school, it was a fun passtime of some of us to learn words of the other's native language. Keshav was a particularly keen one. He had not only learnt counting to ten in Tamil, but also in French and used to flaunt his superior knowledge to all the rest of us jealous beings. There were many Hindi speaking friends of mine who wanted to learn how to say 'Hi' or 'Thank You' in Telugu. Nighi (Punjabi) – who was my neighbor new the Telugu word for 'water' when she was 3. But that was when all of us were little. Now everyone wants to know how to swear in a language foriegn to theirs. Though I get a lot of requests to learn curses in Telugu, I can do little to help out. As I learnt all my Telugu from my parents, I had little to ...

The following is an email sent to Ms. X by Mr. Y. Y is an ex of Ms. X and she moved to a different city soon after breaking up. They haven't been touch for years till a couple of days back X and Y chat on Gtalk. Then X gets this mail: Hey Sexy ! Hey X watsaa ! hows life ? how are u yaar , long time naa ! so where are u , someplace naa ? hows da place , i hope its nice ! im missing u alot yaar ( as a friend not more ) . just so you knoe ive broken up with my girlfriend . a long time backactually , sometime in september . so how are you , wen are u comin back to india? You have any new boyfriend or sumin , i mean i gues u shud by now ! a chick like u can easily get a rockstar . i know no1 can match me and after me uve got high expectations but its okay , you ve gotta give oder guys a chance u knoe . im so sure dere are tonnes of guys who are dying to talk to you and have a crush on you ! So temme , do u miss me or have u just forgotten me ? you shudnt have left and gone to delhi ya...

"Hey !! How's College??" Oh! The complete sense of ease that follows this remark is remarkable. You know perfectly the routes the conversation is going to take and are familiar with the by-lanes as well. The reason that this very pick-up line is so widely in use among young undergraduates is that complete strangers can become near soul mates within just a few minutes of dialogue after using it. What usually follows is a series of innovative adjectives - that get better with each successive retelling - describing the college, its campus, the crowd, its grandeur and resplendent glory. Hostlers can brag about their night-life while day-scholars rant about the enjoyable trips back and forth. For one practiced in this art, appropriate metaphors also flow with ease, captivating the listener. Of course, well-timed "really!?", "hmmm..", "is that so?", "What about…", etc are all vital and show the level of enthusiasm of the listen...