Sunday, May 30, 2010


My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems... I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation - Sherlock Holmes

Though, of late, I have been feeling that my mind rather revels in stagnation. After all, this post is a result of such an endeavour. I let you decide. Here is something for the exalted minds.

I seem to have a special talent in dishing out advice to people. They seek me from far and wide to gain my valuable insights into their eccentric little problems. And, in spite of having little knowledge on the matter, I always seem to be able to give reasonable and sound Plans of Action all the same.

Ashish was spending his summer vacations in the honourable regimen of updating his Facebook status message and wondering which Barcelona shirt he wants his brother to get for him from Europe. When tired of that, he would watch some mind numbing Bollywood movies to help forget the oppressive heat.

While watching one of the said movies, he got a brainwave. (Quite rare for the likes of him. Rarer still for someone watching such cinematic catastrophies) Why does he not write a movie script? But, he didn't know where to begin. Meanwhile, the plot he wanted to write about started exploding in his head.

In wild panic, he gave a call to his brother - the guy who prides himself in solving such irregular problems. Aditya had been particularly frustrated at work of late. He received the call with as much enthusiasm as an out of form Indian batsman would facing the Bangladesh attack.

After letting to his brother puke out his ideas for the script – while endeavouring to show professionalism by sniggering silently – Aditya came up with a solution immediately. As if he was born just for this.

He began by appreciating his brother's creativity.

"What you have got now is pulp. Sort of like tomato puree, if you will. What you need now is structure, a process. A well defined step by step recipe which uses your tomato puree to make delicious gravy."

Aditya realized he got a little carried away by the professional conduct and terminology. So, he came to the point.

"Start by splitting your pulp into scenes. Think of the most important scene in your script. Write down the names and nature of the characters in the scene. Choose an appropriate setting for it – the place and the time of day, the year. Write down what happens in the scene without dialogues. Do the same for all other scenes. Now connect characters, settings of different scenes. They could be the same characters or their relatives. It could be the same setting but in the past or future. Connect some settings to some famous event in history/news. Start writing dialogues.”

Ashish felt rejuvenated, clear headed. As Aditya's clients always do after having a session with him.

Aditya felt masterful, majestic. As he always does after he is done with his clients.

Ashish would do alright, he thought. After all, he could certainly do better than the buggers he was watching. The only problem was his inspiration were the same buggers.

"It is indeed a pity that the success of my gift can never be actually measured, since most of the recipients choose to ignorantly ignore it. This unfortunate course of action only causes these lesser mortals more suffering”, thought Aditya ruefully expressing his humble opinion to himself.

The worst vice is advice
Vanity is my favourite sin
Al Pacino as the devil in The Devil's Advocate

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