In love with Love

Love. It can be fulfilling and frustrating at the same time. Something you wish you had never encountered and yet can't wait till it strikes again. Setting aside all the cliches about the melodrama love entails, it is quite evident that it does not follow the dictum - once bitten twice shy.

It is quite possible for a person to hesitate to confess to the quickening of the pulse and the general debilitation of the central nervous system at the mere sight of another after faltering at a similar endeavour earlier. But, that does not imply the absence of all and any falling victim to the vicissitudes of the villainy of the vain heart, which causes pain not just to itself but to the gullible host as well.

Love is the phenomenon that thrives in adversity. This fact is well documented. You give it war, inter-religion rivalry, societal mores and it will find a way to thwart the odds. But at an individual's level, it shows this fickle nature by springing its cupid head when you least expect it. It mocks at our plans and our 'understanding' of the universe. It can't be explained, predicted, controlled or extinguished. It is the sledgehammer to the nutty idea that is determinism.

The scientist or rationalist still seeks to comprehend its ways and many visages, through experiments in psychology or capturing the causative genes or detecting electrical impulses in the brain. The romantics however try to be one with it by picking up the pen, brush or guitar.

But, I just want to be a test subject to the experiment that is love. I lie restlessly in wait for the emotional roller coaster that it promises, testing my capacity as a rational being trying to ascertain its nature, to be sure of its ways and then be debunked not long after, to ascend the insurmountable, to grasp the unfathomable, to experience what civilization is no closer to understanding - much less control - since its very conception.

I am in love with love itself. But alas, it seldom comes to those who seek it.

Barberity

I tried the hair saloon once. What I mean by that is that I went to the expensive, air-conditioned Britney-Spears-playing stylists as opposed to my regular round-the-corner barber. This was after I came back from France and my long, flowing European tresses were getting stripped away by the minute in the heat and dust of India. As it had been more than eight months since my previous haircut, I was willing to experiment. Besides, there was the little matter of the 50% off coupons in my possession.

I was turned away at first when I reached there since I had not taken an appointment beforehand! Not one to get the hint fate was giving me in the form of the rejection, I scheduled my coiffure at a convenient hour.

At the anointed hour, the first thing I noticed in the saloon was that I was the only male customer there. Of course, there was no dearth of spiky-haired, booted-up, covered in body art, men in black stylists that were present. Once in the hot seat, I got the sales pitch about how so many things are wrong with my hair and how the tattooed, cowboy-shoe-heeled punk had all the solutions. Pun intended. But, since I have been mentally preparing myself for going bald any day now, the impact of his doomsday speech was minimal. After his 10 minute monologue came my polite "No, thank you. Just the haircut please".

Five minutes into watching my hair fall off in bigger chunks than I had experienced during my worst nightmares of going bald, I was in a self-congratulatory mood. Surely, no bald guy can have this much hair!! One never knows how much hair one has on one's head till it has been cut off. I mean the hair, of course.

It dawned on me quite belatedly (since I was still smug with self-satisfaction) that the punk is as limited in his ability to cut hair as he is in his fashion sense. After stressing I did NOT want spikes, despite his protests, I told him I would like hair slightly short. Long enough to be combed. Now as I looked at myself in the mirror, I could see my smug look dissolving into one of resigned fury. The hair was so short that no amount of combing would bring it down. And hence was born mon mohawk.

I have never been tempted by those hair saloons again.

Test Championship

Till about a month back, the question on everyone's minds was "How do we make the Tests less boring?". Of course, that was until it was revealed that the most fervent followers of the game - the bookies - like Test Cricket the best as they make the most money from it! Well, at least someone does...

Test cricket is always termed by most players - former, current and currently suspended - as the pinnacle of cricket, the ultimate test of your abilities on the field. With the exception of Chris Gayle, who was then blasted for such blasphemy. Drawing on my years of playing test cricket, (our own street test cricket version where hitting a six was considered out, to ensure more measured play) I can empathise with that opinion.

But, my views as a discerning observer of the more commonly known form of test cricket will be suitable for the purposes of this post.

Professional sport, after all, is a microcosm of life itself. Grown men and women try their best to out-do one another while staying within the boundaries and rules agreed upon by the sporting society. The advantage being that while your greatest of victories in life may go unnoticed by the vast majority, in sport your smallest of losses is likely to be put under the microscope. If you call that an advantage.

But, for me, test cricket comes the closest to simulating the vagaries of life within itself. The great test matches in history have had the glorious uncertainities - from the sudden change in behaviour of the pitch on the third day afternoon session leading to a collapse, deadly spell of reverse swing bolwing turning the match, dropped catches rued for days, debatable umpires' decisions, players having lively chats about each others wives, girlfriends, mothers, sisters, etc - spread over five days swing fortunes from one end to another, with the potential for an action packed Bollywood spice fest with a climax to match.

I admit some matches can get boring. But then, so can life.

Test cricket is definitely not a shot of adrenalin for the masses like T20. Its taste is for the cultivated, the nuanced. For those who read between the deliveries, check for body language, ponder over strategy while the rest of the world just waits for the end of the day score. It is a sport where you can safely drift off into a world of your own, debate about the pros and cons of each move, without missing out on any action. It even gives you ample opportunity between overs, during drinks, lunch and tea breaks to have refreshing conversations about things other than the game. I may have taken it too far by thinking it is an ideal setting for a first date, but you get the point.

So, after this rather test match type detour, I shall come to the point I was making. Martin Crowe had an idea a month ago about a revamped Test Championship. I liked this idea far lesser than his only other idea - that of using a spinner as an opening bowler in an ODI. Though my response in Cricinfo's comments section was one of reflex. But upon reflection, I have realized it was the danger it posed to my beloved nuances of the game that really set me off. Anyway, here is my response:

I don't agree with Crowe.

1. The one-off contests can't replicate the beauty of a test series - a true test of mettle
2. The lop sided nature of the draw will give no incentive for the home-team to prepare sporting pitches. Incentive is works better than rules :P
3. Viewership will decline as a result of one-sided tests - most likely draws.
4. Only seven tests??!! and you are world champion??
It sounds increasingly like a patchwork formula made on the back of a tissue.. :P His ideas seem to pander to everything that is wrong with test cricket right now and gift wrap it into a short-term solution

My suggestion:
Emulate the football league formats (Premier and Championship), or even the Indian domestic Cricket Leagues (Ranji and Plate)
1. Split the teams into two groups of 5 based on current ranking - say 'Champions' and 'Challengers'
2. The 'Champions' will play a home and away tour of 3/5 tests each home and away during a two year period. Same for the 'Challengers'. Considering each series takes 2 months (for 5 tests) you have 16 months of test cricket. Still leaves enough time for T20s, ODIs.
3. The points system will be based on the hierarchy - Test Wins, Test draws, Away wins, Away draws, Runs scored etc to split the teams, if required
4. The bottom 2 teams from the 'Champions' and the top 2 teams from the 'Challengers' will trade places at the end of every two years
This will create a lot of test cricket and make it more competitive. The teams will be more evenly matched, and over a long tour will have opportunities to make come-backs.