Shaken and Stirred

 Dear heart, Why do you have to be so tempestuous? At one instance, jumping with pleasure at the sight of a text, and then plunging to the depths of the dark oceanic abyss when you realize its not from who you wanted it to be. Why do you make up highly detailed IMAX 3-D like dreams based on a few sweet words uttered, a stolen glance or two or a half-smile? And then again create horror movies with sudden jump-scares at the slightest rejection, cold look or request for need of "space"? These palpitations of yours make me oscillate between extremes. I cannot focus or concentrate on anything except how you are feeling and why. I am only a mere adventurer on a raft - going where the waves of your emotions take me. On the crests, I feel like I am on top of the world. But the troughs soon follow where the world seems bottomless. The painless are the steady days - with mild sinus rhythms as the waves gently lap around me. But you come back with a riposte - who wants to live steady? W...

  Ever since I learnt how to drive, I have felt how each drive is a microcosm of life itself or at least a slice of it. In this series of short stories, I shall purport to portray the parallels that I perceived. I have noticed several times that when I drive, my speed and aggression on the road closely correlate to my emotional state. This is a story about driving under a great deal of stress. Swati got into her car. She was shaking all over. She had no idea why. To be more exact, she had no idea exactly why. It wasn’t rage. There was no anger, only resolve. To know the truth, one way or another. As her car shot out of the basement parking, she was on autopilot and yet driving faster than she had ever done. “What am I going to get from this?” she asked herself. Perhaps some peace of mind that she was not going crazy. That would be great after all she had been through in the past couple of weeks. Her Red Suzuki Swift was deftly responding to her every move almost before ...

Ever since I learnt how to drive, I have felt how each drive is a microcosm of life itself or at least a slice of it. In this series of short stories, I shall purport to portray the parallels that I perceived. Shift into first and gently release the clutch The first part correlates the stop-starts and hiccups in the early part of a relationship to the first time you drive and eventual smooth release of the clutch. “Damn it, I am already late!” thought Akhil looking at his watch. That wasn’t new. He was habitually, and only occasionally fashionably tardy. He was driving his flat-mate Vikram’s Honda City, navigating it through Bengaluru’s traffic. He had an arrangement where he could borrow it at a reasonable rate of Rs.8 per km. This came in handy for getting groceries, or occasionally to go to the office. However, today it was essential. Akhil was going on his first date in a long while.  “God, why did I have to wear this dress?” thought Aarti getting into the car. She had gotten s...

I read this blog post on the turmoil of the twenties. In an eloquent piece, the blogger captures the pangs that one goes through on the threshold of 'true adulthood'. The following is my (unsolicited) response: As a guy on the verge of turning 29, I have gone through the phase you are speaking of. There is no guarantee that I won't go through it again, but it is worthwhile to pen down your thoughts when they seem crystal clear after having gone through a time of muddy swirling nothingness. 1. Disable your facebook account. Humans have survived for hundreds of thousands of years without it. I am sure you can survive the next 20. Alternative is to unsubscribe the 'friends' you speak of. You barely keep in touch with them anyway, just spend precious moments you should be spending thinking of you in thinking and probably cursing them. 2. Decide if you are all about money. You know that already I presume, else there would be no blog entry. 3. Do something. G...

Love. It can be fulfilling and frustrating at the same time. Something you wish you had never encountered and yet can't wait till it strikes again. Setting aside all the cliches about the melodrama love entails, it is quite evident that it does not follow the dictum - once bitten twice shy. It is quite possible for a person to hesitate to confess to the quickening of the pulse and the general debilitation of the central nervous system at the mere sight of another after faltering at a similar endeavour earlier. But, that does not imply the absence of all and any falling victim to the vicissitudes of the villainy of the vain heart, which causes pain not just to itself but to the gullible host as well. Love is the phenomenon that thrives in adversity. This fact is well documented. You give it war, inter-religion rivalry, societal mores and it will find a way to thwart the odds. But at an individual's level, it shows this fickle nature by springing its cupid head when you least...

I tried the hair saloon once. What I mean by that is that I went to the expensive, air-conditioned Britney-Spears-playing stylists as opposed to my regular round-the-corner barber. This was after I came back from France and my long, flowing European tresses were getting stripped away by the minute in the heat and dust of India. As it had been more than eight months since my previous haircut, I was willing to experiment. Besides, there was the little matter of the 50% off coupons in my possession. I was turned away at first when I reached there since I had not taken an appointment beforehand! Not one to get the hint fate was giving me in the form of the rejection, I scheduled my coiffure at a convenient hour. At the anointed hour, the first thing I noticed in the saloon was that I was the only male customer there. Of course, there was no dearth of spiky-haired, booted-up, covered in body art, men in black stylists that were present. Once in the hot seat, I got the sales pitch about...

Till about a month back, the question on everyone's minds was "How do we make the Tests less boring?". Of course, that was until it was revealed that the most fervent followers of the game - the bookies - like Test Cricket the best as they make the most money from it! Well, at least someone does... Test cricket is always termed by most players - former, current and currently suspended - as the pinnacle of cricket, the ultimate test of your abilities on the field. With the exception of Chris Gayle, who was then blasted for such blasphemy. Drawing on my years of playing test cricket, (our own street test cricket version where hitting a six was considered out, to ensure more measured play) I can empathise with that opinion. But, my views as a discerning observer of the more commonly known form of test cricket will be suitable for the purposes of this post. Professional sport, after all, is a microcosm of life itself. Grown men and women try their best to out-do one an...

My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems... I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation - Sherlock Holmes Though, of late, I have been feeling that my mind rather revels in stagnation. After all, this post is a result of such an endeavour. I let you decide. Here is something for the exalted minds. I seem to have a special talent in dishing out advice to people. They seek me from far and wide to gain my valuable insights into their eccentric little problems. And, in spite of having little knowledge on the matter, I always seem to be able to give reasonable and sound Plans of Action all the same. Ashish was spending his summer vacations in the honourable regimen of updating his Facebook status message and wondering which Barcelona shirt he wants his brother to get for him from Europe. When tired of that, he would watch some mind numbing Bollywood movies to help forget the oppressive heat. While watching one of the said movies, he got a brainwave. (Qui...

The Supreme Court of India recently threw out petitions seeking legal prohibitions on the "immorality" involved in pre-marital sex and live-in relationships. While the honorable Court refused to delve into the moral aspects and summarily discarded with the petitions on legal grounds, an article in The Hindu - the mouthpiece of the Indian intelligentsia argued how such a legal judgment could serve to encourage the misguided youth from trying more such "experiments". I took it upon myself to argue (as is my wont) back. Here is a copy of the article I sent as an entry to the newspaper: Aligning the alien I count myself as one of the youth of today. And though I am not an aggressive proponent for pre-marital sex or live-in relationships, I was shaken enough to write this response. The author has clearly misunderstood the raison d’etre of live-in relationships. They are not quite the seed of convenience as much as cynicism. In fact, it may well be countered th...

Since I posted my last one on movies a while back (seems like a lifetime back), I thought I should put up another post on a movie. At least, it will give an illusion of continuity. Just like the earlier one , I do not pretend that its a critical analysis of the movie. Its more of an outpouring of my feelings after watching it - more emotional than rational, which is ironic since the protagonist is one of the most rational men ever lived (in fiction, of course). Sherlock Holmes Cast: Robert Downey Jr, Jude Law Director: Guy Ritchie My mind rebels at stagnation. The familiar feeling of fascination swept over me as I watched the adaptation of Sherlock Holmes, played more than ably by the dry wit of Robert Downey Jr . In all his roles, Downey Jr takes a rather deep interest of the character. Some say a little too deep. In fact, his role as the award winning, always-in-character actor in the laugh riot Tropic Thunder was suggested to the director, Ben Stiller by Downey Jr’s own personality...

I plan to re-vitalize the underground movie club I helped set up in my company this January. RAGe (Roshan, Aravind/Aditya, Glenn entertainment) provided an excel sheet with the movies set for 'release' every Friday. The sheet had details about the movies like the running time, size, quality, parental guidance (eg- Naomi Watts goes nude 45 minutes into the movie, so be sure to shoo your parents away round about that time), awards or nominations won. There was also a link to a one-page review of each movie we covered. RAGe started off really well, but lost steam as time wore on. The company's annual day, pressure at work, lack of feedback and appreciation for our work were the chief culprits. Reproduced below is the first review I wrote for RAGe. Its on one of my favourite movies, Thank You for Smoking: Thank You for Smoking Cast: Aaron Eckhart, Katie Holmes Director: Jason Reitman Review: Aditya Changavalli Don’t hide the truth, just filter it. I’ve got a confession to make....

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field. - Niels Bohr I consider myself an expert in matters of the heart. I have given loads of people advice in all kinds of different situations. It’s another matter that most of them never actually used my advice, so there is no way of knowing how effective it is. But, I have surely made all the mistakes that can be made (and some more) in this not-so-narrow field. I will not bore you with the common amateur mistakes. Here is an example of me going overboard with the ‘being different’ mantra. I bet you never thought of this way to court a girl’s attentions. A few Valentine’s days back, I sent a mail to a friend I had a crush on and wanted to impress after an evening walk with her. Hi, As we were talking the other evening, you mentioned how guys are essentially the ‘same’; in the sense that ALL of them view girls as sex objects. When I heard it, I had trouble accepting it. So, I decided ...

Glenn had his birthday coming up. I called up everyone to seek ideas for an appropriate gift. In vain. "He has everything!" was one exasperated opinion. Some thought out of the box and came up with really practical gifts like skate-boards. I gave up and went straight to the mall with Arjun , hoping to spot something. At the mall, we hacked around for the 'right' gift. Although books were ruled out initially, we gravitated to the book store as a last resort. After sifting through countless books, we were still clueless. I had quite a reputation to maintain in office. After buying many 'right' gifts, I could not afford to lose the plot now. While selecting a gift, there are three things I look for: - Would s/he like it? - Would it be a talking point? - Would it cost within 800 bucks (our usual budget)? So I sat down and went back to the basics. What would Glenn like? What would all men like? Well, that wasn't a possible gift. So, what else? While I was thi...

January 1, 2009 Midnight I could not think of starting the New Year in any other way. I am not a great fan of New Year celebrations – my rational mind tells me it’s just like another day, with a fancy name. But, maybe it’s important for the populace to give hope for a new prosperous year. Its almost like people believe a mere increment in the date will get rid of the soiled baggage of the past. I empathize with them. It may not be logical but its about hope and getting motivated. Starting over. Of course, it’s no surprise that most people live in continuity from the previous year and little changes. But the New Year’s frolic provides, apart from windfalls to the cellular and greeting card companies, a push against inertia. Hope is particularly relevant this year, with recession at a global scale ominous in its imminence, diminishing savings, nose-diving investment and impeding the relentless ‘progress’ of human endeavour. Jobs are not secure, banks are not secure. So lif...

All of you must be familiar Google's AdSense - an advertisement application. The Wikipedia article says: AdSense has become a popular method of placing advertising on a website because the advertisements are less intrusive* than most banners. I beg to differ. In a recent correspondence I had with a friend over Gmail, I was shocked to notice that the first sponsored link on the right was Dumped? Instant relief to break-up pain and fastest plan to get your ex back GetYourExBackNow.com Now, I think, I must confess that the 'friend' was a one-time (and a long-time) crush of mine. Nothing more, unfortunately. But how the hell did Google know that ? Nothing in the mail itself suggests anything on those lines. Unless the mere presence of words like - 'arrogance, incompetence.... dick.... bitch' - imply a broken-up relationship. Even though the mail was not exaclty from an ex of mine, but i wonder what kind of key words sparks the AdWords program to show a link to GetY...

Going ahead with my penchant for adapting management principles in life outside the corporate world, my next source of inspiration are feedback forms. To the uninitiated, they are a medium for gauging and improving standards in any organization. Actually, it’s a questionnaire that one has to fill after attending each training session with child-like questions. After filling as many as I have, you run out of new and innovative adjectives to describe the dull and dreary set of questions. Imagine their utility in relationships. A sample form might go like this : Relationship evaluation form Name of participant: Type of relationship: Length of relationship: For those currently in a relationship: What aspects of the relationship do you find most useful? What aspects of the relationship are least helpful to you and why? (if any) What were your objectives when beginning the relationship? To what extent have they been fulfilled? Suggestions/ideas for improvement For those e...

I was reading Jack Welch's book Winning , Welch is ex-CEO with General Electric and has 40 plus years of experience in managing people. I have always thought management principles could be applied to real life as well. So from his chapter on 'Hiring the right people' , I conceived and adapted my own guidelines to 'Finding the right girl': Test for Integrity People with integrity tell the truth. They keep their word. They take responsibility for past actions, admit mistakes and give their best to fix them. Now there is no fool-proof way of testing integrity and hence your gut instinct is very important. More on instinct later. Look for  Intelligence Intelligence need not mean her educational qualifications. She should be able to hold your attention with her words, with an uncanny ability to surprise you and force you to alter your previous judgments about her. Education is just part of the pie, not the whole. Does she show  Maturity? As Welch says, "Mature peop...

3rd May 2008 Saturday 2130 hrs I am running a temperature of 101F degrees. My brother says he's got a 100.5 himself. Of course he's lying. There is no way he could still be that active. Though come to think of it, I had fever on and off throughout the day and I hardly took any rest. Fever always has this weird way of giving an illusion of recovery before it returns with redoubled vigour. Its been a while since I had such a 'high' fever. Whenever I felt feverish, nothing I did would convince the thermometer to go beyond a 100. So today I looked at it with dull self-congratulation as the mercury rose to a 100.9. I'm calling it a 101, I don't care. I always aimed high as a kid. When my mother would put the stick in my mouth I would pray that the temperature be above 105. At least. All the other kids had had malaria and hay fever. Compared to them, my health chart seemed to be bereft of any excitement. Clearly, I was fiercely competitive as well. Now with time, and ...

Since I am a native of Andhra Pradesh, I know a bit of Telugu. Having stayed in Delhi all my life, I come across people from all kinds of cultural backgrounds: Punjabi, Gujarati, Bengali, Oriya, Tamil, Malayali, etc. When I was in primary school, it was a fun passtime of some of us to learn words of the other's native language. Keshav was a particularly keen one. He had not only learnt counting to ten in Tamil, but also in French and used to flaunt his superior knowledge to all the rest of us jealous beings. There were many Hindi speaking friends of mine who wanted to learn how to say 'Hi' or 'Thank You' in Telugu. Nighi (Punjabi) – who was my neighbor new the Telugu word for 'water' when she was 3. But that was when all of us were little. Now everyone wants to know how to swear in a language foriegn to theirs. Though I get a lot of requests to learn curses in Telugu, I can do little to help out. As I learnt all my Telugu from my parents, I had little to ...

The following is an email sent to Ms. X by Mr. Y. Y is an ex of Ms. X and she moved to a different city soon after breaking up. They haven't been touch for years till a couple of days back X and Y chat on Gtalk. Then X gets this mail: Hey Sexy ! Hey X watsaa ! hows life ? how are u yaar , long time naa ! so where are u , someplace naa ? hows da place , i hope its nice ! im missing u alot yaar ( as a friend not more ) . just so you knoe ive broken up with my girlfriend . a long time backactually , sometime in september . so how are you , wen are u comin back to india? You have any new boyfriend or sumin , i mean i gues u shud by now ! a chick like u can easily get a rockstar . i know no1 can match me and after me uve got high expectations but its okay , you ve gotta give oder guys a chance u knoe . im so sure dere are tonnes of guys who are dying to talk to you and have a crush on you ! So temme , do u miss me or have u just forgotten me ? you shudnt have left and gone to delhi ya...